Ewa Lowe: Chapter 13

The chapter below is from the sci-fi, triller book Fear is in the Air by Eva Newermann

---

 

Klingon Wedding

James and Irene have invited me and Lovise to their home in Hollywood. We are going to play bridge. Since Lovise and I spend so much time flying together we have become good friends. We play bridge at Jordan’s Bridge Club located in Delray Beach. They have games morning, noon and evening and the club is open all year long. Even a world champion, the intelligent Linda Green, is giving lessons and is a frequent player there.

I glide into my Vette and vroooom onto I-95, southbound. The ride will take 20 minutes.

While I’m driving I am thinking back to James and Irene’s unique wedding. Both were Trekkies and traveled to all the “Star Trek” Conventions they could find. I guess James got hooked on the Klingons and he would always try to speak their bizarre language. I found it fun, too, so every night we would hug our parents and then bawl, Maj Ram! (Good night!)

James and Irene even had several “Star Trek” uniforms. They bought them online, or from film studio auctions.

The round number, year 2000, was coming up. In all stores, post offices and restaurants there were large digital clocks, counting down to 2000. James wanted to get married one minute into the year 2000. His vision was to have a Klingon Wedding in Las Vegas, at the Hilton’s “Star Trek” Experience attraction; a ceremony on the bridge of the U.S.S. Enterprise. Wouldn’t that be an intergalactic experience? Irene couldn’t agree more. They invited 42 people and we’re all very excited to be going to Las Vegas. 

Lillian and Dexter paid for the whole kit and caboodle.

In Las Vegas they have wedding planners for any theme you can imagine. Since everything is open 24 hours a day, getting married one minute past midnight is no problem. The Elvis Presley wedding is the most popular. You can have Elvis walk you down the aisle, he can be your priest, or he can serenade you.

Also, the helicopter, air balloon and Grand Canyon weddings are in demand.

The Hilton’s “Star Trek” Experience wedding attraction offered five different wedding packages to choose from. The least expensive was $350 per person, and was called the Vulcan Vow Renewal Package. The most expensive was the Admirals Wedding. At $3,000 per person, this package included a ceremony on the bridge, dinner and drinks at Quark’s Bar and Grill, a band playing Galaxy music, and a photographer to record every memorable moment. 

So we had a winner!

The wedding photos and memories start to play in my head, and it’s like it’s happening now. I can see it.

Most of the wedding guests are dressed as Klingons, Borg, Ferengies and Andorians. All the Andorians have blue faces, white wigs and cranial antennas.

I’m dressed as Seven of Nine. Lovise is one of the few not wearing a costume. She came straight from a flight, and was not able to change clothes.

Heads turn (even in Las Vegas) when we all walk into the Hilton Hotel. Inside, a huge Klingon greets us. 

“Qapla bath je!” (Success and honor!)

The guests who are versed in Klingon speech answer, “Lu’, Lu’!” (Yes, OK!)

The ceremony begins. All of us receive a com-badge, which is a small communication device. We pin it on our clothes, on the left side, just above our hearts.

As we’re ushered into a large white circle, we put our right hands over the com-badge insignia, and all yell simultaneously: “Scotty, beam us up!”

A bright light hits us and suddenly the floor is moving upwards. We’re lifted to the second floor, and then walk straight onto the bridge of the U.S.S. Enterprise. 

The crew, dressed in Starfleet uniforms, greets us. Too bad it isn’t the real crew, including William Shatner, alias Captain James T. Kirk. 

The Klingon Warriors start beating their drums. 

On the floor, standing on a lighted pedestal, are 42 absolutely magnificent Klingon Swords. 

We all go up to a sword and put our hands on top of it, we stand that way throughout the ceremony.

The drums stop and the theme song from “Star Trek” blasts from the speakers. Irene and James face each other, their foreheads touching. It is a very tender scene.

The music ends and the couple, holding each other around the waist, recite their vows. Then they kiss and walk past us. Everyone goes into the mastakas (a mock sword attack), and with all the lights blinking on the bridge, the drums reach a crescendo as we “beam” down to Quark’s restaurant.

We are greeted by Klingon, Borg and Ferengi waiters. They hand us each a drink that looks like a volcano. At the bottom of a large cognac glass is a red blinking light. The glass has two chambers, one containing dry ice and the other vodka. The dry ice makes it look as if smoke is pouring out of the glass. 

I, of course, am the first who dares to drink it.

At the table there are fancy computers to take our orders. The menu is a piece of art in itself, with original names for the dishes.

My appetizer is a plate with The Holy Rings of Betazed (large crispy onion rings) stacked on a beautiful miniature steel sword. 

Starfleet Ship Salad features chopped greens tossed with shrimps, red onions, Roma tomatoes, sunflower seeds and feta cheese.

For the main course I have the Warp Wrap: a spinach tortilla, filled with delicious grilled marinated steak, surrounded by sautéed yellow, red and green bell peppers, red onions, Mexican rice, shredded lettuce, sour cream, pico de gallo and guacamole. 

Can I still manage dessert? Yes, I can’t resist Frozen Gagh (worms). On the “Star Trek” TV shows and movies we’d seen Klingons gobbling down live worms. Here we have to settle for gummy worms and Odo’s Chengelia chocolate ice cream.

All the food is served on huge plates bearing the Starfleet insignia.

The drinks also have inventive names, like Cardassian Cooler, Warp Core Breach, Riker Rita and Seven of Nine.

I order a Number One martini, which is handed to me by a Ferengi.

Lillian and Dexter are dressed as Andorians with white wigs, blue faces and a pair of antennas that wiggle every time they move their heads. Suddenly Lillian and Dexter jump on a table and ring a bell.

“Could the happy couple please approach the table,” Dexter hollers, waving sheets of paper over his head. Irene and James put on an attentive look, and strut over to the table.

“First, I would like to say,” Dexter continues, “this has been the most unusual and fun wedding I have ever been to, and probably ever will attend.”

“Qa tlho” (I thank you), James hollers back.

Now everybody is laughing and clapping their hands.

Lillian takes the papers from Dexter’s hand and says, “This is the deed to a house in Hollywood. Dexter and I would like to give you young people this as a wedding gift.” She points to a large TV screen and a beautiful house on the beach appears. 

Irene and James get so excited they forget all about being calm, cool Klingons as they start jumping up and down, hugging Lillian and Dexter and everybody in sight.

The band starts playing and soon we are all whooping it up on the dance floor.

The traffic is slow on south bound I-95, which gives me ample time to reminisce some more about the wedding in the year 2000. The pictures play on behind my eyes.

 

---

 

The chapter “Klingon Wedding” is from the book “Fear is in the Air” by Eva Newermann. Available on Amazon Kindle and Apple Books